Today I Hate Everyone

Now that I'm home, I don't know what to do with my hands. Now that I don't have hours of class time to kill, I never write in my journal. In some ways, I miss working in the writing center -- spending hours listening to music and reading old issues of The Verse Marauders online.

Lately, I cannot stop thinking about Bad Things, but they are never unaccompanied by the shame that comes with wanting to talk about myself.

I think a lot about that quote from The Secret History

“It is a terrible thing to learn as a child that one is a being separate from all the world, that no one and no thing hurts along with one’s burned tongues and skinned knees, that one’s aches and pains are all one’s own. Even more terrible, as we grow older, to learn that no person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us. Our own selves make up most unhappy, and that’s why we’re so anxious to lose them, don’t you think?”

But mostly, I'm happy.